In a shocking turn of events, the Department of Homeland Security has come out swinging against recent claims that ICE denied a pregnant woman proper medical care. The Trump administration is calling the allegations “absolutely FALSE” and is demanding an apology from those spreading the fake news.
According to DHS spokesperson, Sarah McTrump, the agency takes the health and well-being of all detainees very seriously. “We have the best medical care in our facilities, believe me. The pregnant woman in question was given top-notch treatment, including prenatal vitamins and a complimentary foot massage. These claims are just sad attempts to smear ICE’s impeccable reputation.”
But the woman, who we’ll call Mary Jane Doe for legal reasons, tells a different story. “I begged ICE officers for help when I started having contractions, but they just laughed and told me to walk it off. It was like they thought I was faking it or something. It was a total nightmare.”
In response to Mary Jane’s allegations, ICE officer Joe Schmoe had this to say: “Oh, Mary Jane? Yeah, she’s a real piece of work. Always causing trouble and making up stories. I wouldn’t believe a word that comes out of her mouth.”
But the plot thickens, as sources close to the situation have revealed that Mary Jane’s baby daddy is none other than Donald Trump himself. When reached for comment, Trump simply replied, “Fake news! I have never even heard of this Mary Jane person. Believe me, I only associate with the best baby mamas.”
In the meantime, the internet is buzzing with speculation about the true nature of Mary Jane’s relationship with Trump and the alleged cover-up by DHS. Will the truth ever come to light? Only time will tell.
But one thing’s for sure – when it comes to scandalous headlines and outrageous claims, you can always count on the Trump administration to deliver the laughs. Stay tuned for more updates on this wild and wacky story.
