In a shocking turn of events, Florida has executed a man convicted of raping and killing a woman outside of a bar. The man, who shall remain nameless to protect his privacy (but let’s call him Bob for fun), met his end via lethal injection earlier this week.
The incident, which took place outside of the infamous “Sassy Sally’s Saloon,” left the community shaken and outraged. Witnesses say they saw Bob lurking around the bar that fateful night, wearing a ridiculous Hawaiian shirt and carrying a pineapple (because why not?).
One witness, who we’ll call Sarah, had this to say about the execution: “I can’t believe Bob is gone. He was always the life of the party, even if he did have a questionable fashion sense. Rest in peace, Bob. Or not, I guess.”
But not everyone is mourning Bob’s demise. His ex-girlfriend, who we’ll call Karen (because let’s face it, all ex-girlfriends are named Karen), had a different take on the situation. “Good riddance,” she said. “Bob was a total jerk. He never even let me have the last slice of pizza.”
As news of Bob’s execution spread, the internet exploded with hot takes and memes. One Twitter user, who goes by the handle @PizzaLover69, tweeted: “RIP Bob. May your Hawaiian shirt and pineapple live on in infamy.”
But the real kicker came when Bob’s lawyer, who we’ll call Larry McLegalFace, made a shocking statement to the press. “I can’t believe they executed Bob,” he said. “I was sure I had a winning argument with my ‘But what about the pineapple?’ defense.”
In the end, Bob’s execution serves as a cautionary tale for all those who dare to wear ridiculous Hawaiian shirts and carry pineapples outside of bars. Rest in peace, Bob. And may your fashion choices live on in infamy.
