In a shocking turn of events, the FBI has launched probes into three children’s hospitals for alleged genital mutilation of minors. Yes, you read that right. The FBI is now cracking down on those sneaky doctors who have been secretly snipping away at innocent children’s nether regions.
According to sources, the hospitals in question have been accused of performing unnecessary surgeries on minors without their consent. One anonymous source even claimed, “I went in for a tonsillectomy and woke up missing a vital piece of my anatomy. It’s like a magician’s trick gone terribly wrong!”
Dr. Frank N. Stein, a renowned pediatric surgeon at one of the hospitals under investigation, has vehemently denied the allegations. In a statement to the press, Dr. Stein declared, “I swear, it was just a mix-up in paperwork. I thought I was performing a routine appendectomy, not a genital mutilation procedure. Oops!”
Meanwhile, Dr. Bob B. Builder, another suspect in the case, has been quoted as saying, “I was just trying to help the kids. I thought I was giving them a little extra ‘snip and tuck’ for good luck. Who knew it would blow up in my face like this?”
As news of the FBI probes spread, parents across the country are in a frenzy. One concerned mother, Mrs. Sally S. Stitch, exclaimed, “I can’t believe this is happening! I thought I could trust these hospitals with my children’s well-being. Now I’m second-guessing every medical procedure they’ve ever had!”
In a bizarre twist, a group of clowns has come forward claiming responsibility for the alleged genital mutilation surgeries. Lead clown, Bozo McSnip, stated, “We were just trying to bring a little laughter and joy to the children. Who knew they would take it so literally?”
As the investigation unfolds, one thing is clear – the FBI is not clowning around when it comes to protecting our children’s private parts. Stay tuned for more updates on this wild and wacky case of mistaken surgeries gone wrong. And remember folks, always double-check your consent forms before going under the knife!
