In a shocking turn of events, the White House office has issued a directive to all government agencies to apply ‘Gold Standard Science’ in order to depoliticize research and restore trust. This move comes after years of controversy surrounding the politicization of scientific findings in various fields.
According to White House spokesperson, Sarah McFibber, “We believe that by implementing the Gold Standard Science, we can finally put an end to the rampant politicization of research and restore faith in the scientific community. It’s time to bring back facts and logic, and leave the alternative facts at the door.”
The directive has sparked a flurry of reactions from both scientists and politicians alike. Dr. Bob Nonsense, a renowned scientist from the Institute of Ridiculous Studies, had this to say about the new directive, “Finally, we can focus on real science without the interference of politics. It’s a breath of fresh air for the scientific community.”
However, not everyone is convinced of the White House’s intentions. Senator Joe Jokerson, known for his love of conspiracy theories, expressed his doubts about the new directive. “I believe this so-called Gold Standard Science is just a ploy to control the narrative and suppress dissenting voices. I won’t stand for it!”
Despite the skepticism, government agencies have already begun implementing the new directive. The Department of Silly Studies has announced plans to conduct a study on the effects of wearing mismatched socks on productivity in the workplace. Surely, this groundbreaking research will shed light on an issue that has plagued humanity for centuries.
As the scientific community braces for the impact of the Gold Standard Science, one thing is for certain – things are about to get a whole lot sillier in the world of research. Stay tuned for more updates on this developing story from our trusted source of satire news.
