Washington, D.C. — Vice President Kamala Harris’s 2024 re-election campaign has found a way to soar above the competition — literally. Federal Election Commission (FEC) documents reveal that in October alone, the campaign shelled out a staggering $2.6 million on private jet travel for its staff. Clearly, when it comes to running a lean, fiscally responsible campaign, the Harris team believes in thinking way outside the budget.
The revelation has sparked criticism from both sides of the aisle, with some questioning why a campaign struggling to connect with voters in swing states needs to make its staff feel like the crew of the Highland Express.
“This is a campaign that promises to elevate America, and they’re doing it by elevating themselves into the stratosphere,” said former political consultant and self-proclaimed budgeting guru, Doug Hench, whose financial advice is often described as “chillingly sensible” by his peers. “I get it. You’re on the go, you’ve got to hit every swing state, and sometimes you just can’t afford the lowly comforts of a commercial flight. But $2.6 million? I mean, I’d like to know where they’re buying these jets. On Amazon?”
Private Jets for the People
Harris campaign private jets
Sources inside the campaign claim that the private jets are a strategic investment — after all, what’s the point of campaigning for the people if you can’t enjoy a little luxury while doing it? “The demands on the vice president are relentless,” said campaign spokesperson Cheryl Popkin. “She needs to be in two states at once. She can’t waste time sitting in cramped airplane seats with screaming babies and people sneezing. Plus, there’s the whole issue of comfort. Have you ever tried to discuss health care policy in coach? It’s impossible.”
But some critics remain skeptical. “I’m not sure that flying over Iowa in a Gulfstream really helps win the hearts of farmers,” said Senator John “I Don’t Get It” McBluster, who represents a state that still requires people to drive a car for a good six hours to get anywhere. “Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I thought running for office meant interacting with the people, not pretending you’re above them in a $65 million aircraft.”
First Class Service, Second Class Strategy?
First class service on the private jets of the Harris campaign?
The private jets, according to campaign records, were used for a variety of purposes. “We’ve had a lot of essential travel between key battleground states,” Popkin explained. “And what better way to connect with voters than to literally rise above them? The optics are perfect. We want people to know that the Harris campaign is above the noise, above the controversy, above the political drama.”
Some of the flight details provided by the FEC documents are eyebrow-raising. For instance, $400,000 was spent flying four senior campaign aides to a fundraising event in Dallas, Texas — which happens to be a short two-hour flight from Washington, D.C. The expense was labeled as “high-level strategy discussions,” which according to one anonymous source, involved “discussing ways to use the in-flight Wi-Fi to watch Netflix.”
Another $800,000 was reportedly used for flights from Los Angeles to the campaign headquarters in Washington, D.C., where aides were “strategizing on messaging.” “It’s a long flight,” one aide noted, “so we had plenty of time to brainstorm. We really needed the peace and quiet of a private jet to come up with “Kamala Harris: America’s next great Vice President, but also she can totally beatbox.”
The Harris campaign has defended its use of private jets, with many staffers insisting that flying commercial would have been “unacceptable.” “I can’t believe people are making a fuss about this,” said one anonymous senior campaign advisor. “You try getting a good night’s sleep on a red-eye flight. You try getting off a plane and giving a fiery speech about economic recovery when you haven’t had a decent nap in 48 hours. And have you seen the food in economy? There’s literally nothing that can fuel a conversation about climate change like a stale pretzel.”
The “Other” Luxury Travel Expenses
When running a presidential campaign, it is important to remember to spend those campaign donations wisely on lavish expenses such as staff massages.
In addition to the jets, the campaign has also spent lavishly on accommodations, with luxury hotels reportedly receiving over $500,000 in payments. “We need to make sure our staff is comfortable and well-rested,” said Popkin, sipping an artisanal espresso that cost more than most Americans’ monthly utility bills. “You can’t run an effective campaign on a bed that feels like it’s made of cardboard. We’re out here trying to change the world, not sleep on a mattress that smells like industrial cleaner.”
The campaign also revealed that a portion of the travel budget was spent on “essential services,” which included private massage therapists and wellness coaches to help staff “maintain peak performance” during critical moments.
“I don’t see how you expect someone to convince the nation to elect a president while suffering from lower back pain,” said Popkin. “It’s basic ergonomics. Every strategic move should be calculated and supported by a proper spinal alignment.”
A Campaign With Its Head in the Clouds?
Despite the criticism, some supporters of the Harris campaign remain unphased, praising the team for “thinking big.” “I’m just excited that Kamala’s not afraid to spend money on what really matters: staying ahead of the curve,” said Meg Sanders, a campaign volunteer from New York. “Plus, have you seen those jets? They’re so sleek. It’s like the future is literally flying into your face.”
While the Harris campaign may have a slight cash flow issue (despite claims that they’re raising record amounts of donations), there’s no denying the impact of these $2.6 million flights. “We’re not just flying across the country,” Popkin said, “we’re flying into the future. A future where no one has to sit next to a crying baby ever again.”
As for the rest of the country, they might just have to settle for the occasional budget flight — and a few frequent flyer miles.
Editor’s Note: We reached out to several major airlines for comment on this story, but they all responded with a resounding “Who’s running the Harris campaign’s travel department, anyway?”
