In a shocking turn of events, San Diego Padres closer, Juan “The Crusher” Suarez, has been suspended for three games and fined for hitting Shohei Ohtani with a pitch during a recent game against the Los Angeles Angels. The incident left fans gasping in disbelief as the star player was struck in the buttocks by Suarez’s fastball.
When asked about the incident, Suarez claimed it was all just a big misunderstanding. “I was just trying to paint the corners and the next thing I know, Ohtani’s getting plunked in the derriere. It was a total accident, I swear!” The Crusher exclaimed.
However, Major League Baseball wasn’t buying Suarez’s excuse and swiftly handed down the suspension and fine. Padres manager, Dave “The Dinger” Roberts, was also banned for one game for his role in the debacle. When reached for comment, The Dinger was less than thrilled about the punishment. “I can’t believe I have to sit out a game just because one of my pitchers can’t control his aim. This is a load of baloney!” he exclaimed.
Meanwhile, over in the Angels dugout, manager Joe “The Jokester” Smith couldn’t help but chuckle at the whole situation. “I guess The Crusher thought Ohtani’s rear end was the strike zone. Maybe he needs to get his eyes checked,” The Jokester quipped.
As for Ohtani himself, he took the incident in stride, jokingly telling reporters, “I guess I should start wearing some extra padding back there. You never know when The Crusher might come for round two.”
The suspension and fines have sparked debate among fans and analysts alike, with some calling for harsher penalties for pitchers who hit batters intentionally. Only time will tell if The Crusher learns his lesson or if he’ll continue to take aim at opposing players’ backsides.
