In a shocking revelation, the UN nuclear chief has confirmed that Iran does indeed possess enough material to build nuclear bombs. However, in a plot twist that would make even the best spy thriller jealous, it turns out that Iran has no actual plan to use said bombs.
In a statement that left many scratching their heads, UN nuclear chief Rafael Grossi stated, “Yes, Iran has the material to build bombs, but honestly, they seem more interested in perfecting their kebab recipes at this point.”
When pressed for further details, Grossi added, “I mean, I asked President Hassan Rouhani about their nuclear intentions, and he just laughed and said, ‘Oh, we’re too busy trying to figure out how to make the perfect cup of tea to worry about nuclear weapons.’ It was a bit awkward, to be honest.”
The news has left many world leaders in a state of confusion. French President Emmanuel Macron was quoted as saying, “Well, this is just typical Iran, isn’t it? They’re like that friend who always talks about going to the gym but never actually goes. I guess we can all breathe a little easier knowing they’re more interested in falafel than nuclear warfare.”
Meanwhile, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was quick to react, stating, “I have always said that Iran cannot be trusted. They may claim they have no plans to build bombs now, but who knows what they’ll do once they perfect their hummus recipe. We must remain vigilant.”
As for the Iranian government, they have simply shrugged off the accusations. Foreign Minister Mohammad Javad Zarif was quoted as saying, “Oh, those silly Westerners. Always trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. We’re just a peaceful nation trying to make our mark in the world of culinary delights. Leave us be.”
So, it seems that for now, the world can rest easy knowing that Iran’s nuclear ambitions are on hold as they focus on more pressing matters. Who knew that the key to world peace lay in the perfect bowl of hummus?
