In a shocking turn of events, the FBI has confirmed the capture of two out of four illegal immigrants who escaped from the Newark ICE facility earlier this week. The daring escape has left authorities scratching their heads and questioning just how secure our immigration detention centers really are.
According to FBI spokesperson Agent Smith, the escapees were able to break out of the facility by fashioning a makeshift ladder out of toothbrushes and bed sheets. “It was like a scene out of a bad prison movie,” Agent Smith stated. “We couldn’t believe they actually pulled it off.”
The two escapees, known only as Juan and Carlos, were apprehended by authorities after a high-speed chase through the streets of Newark. When asked about their escape, Juan exclaimed, “We just wanted to see the sights of America! We didn’t mean to cause any trouble.” Carlos added, “Yeah, we were just trying to find the nearest Chipotle.”
Meanwhile, the other two escapees, who go by the names of Bob and Steve, are still on the run. Authorities are urging the public to be on the lookout for two men who may or may not be wearing matching Hawaiian shirts.
In response to the escape, ICE officials have assured the public that they are taking steps to increase security at their facilities. “We are implementing a new policy of checking all toothbrushes for potential escape tools,” stated ICE spokesperson Agent Johnson. “We will not let this happen again.”
As the search for Bob and Steve continues, one thing is for certain: this escape has left a lasting impression on both authorities and the public. Let’s just hope that next time, the escapees choose a more conventional method of sightseeing.
