In a shocking turn of events, the RSV hospitalization rate for seniors is reportedly 10 times higher than usual for this point in the season. While health officials are scrambling to figure out what’s causing this spike, one thing is for certain – the elderly are dropping like flies, but not in a cute way.
Dr. Karen Smith, a leading expert in infectious diseases, had this to say about the situation: “It’s absolutely bizarre. We’ve never seen anything like this before. It’s almost as if RSV has decided to target our senior citizens with a vengeance.”
But not everyone is taking the news seriously. Betty Jenkins, a 92-year-old resident at the Sunny Hills Retirement Home, had this to say: “I ain’t scared of no RSV. I’ve survived two world wars, a Great Depression, and a Kardashian wedding. I’ll be damned if some virus is gonna take me down.”
Meanwhile, at the local bingo hall, Mildred Johnson was feeling the effects of the outbreak. “I can’t believe I have to miss bingo night because of this RSV nonsense. I was on a winning streak, damn it!”
The staff at St. Mary’s Hospital are working around the clock to care for the influx of elderly patients. Nurse Betty Lou has been putting in overtime to keep up with the demand. “It’s like a never-ending parade of walkers and wheelchairs. I haven’t seen this many old people since the early bird special at Denny’s.”
Despite the seriousness of the situation, there is a silver lining. The local funeral home, run by Morty McCreepy, has seen a significant increase in business. “Business has been booming lately. It’s like Christmas came early for us. Who knew RSV could be so good for the bottom line?”
As the RSV outbreak continues to wreak havoc on the senior population, one thing is clear – it’s no laughing matter. But hey, at least we can still find humor in the midst of a crisis. Stay safe out there, folks – and wash your damn hands.
