**Oregon Homeless Shelter Stabbing Leaves Dozen Injured: A Comedy of Errors**
In a shocking turn of events that could only happen in the wild, wild west of Oregon, a local homeless shelter turned into a scene straight out of a low-budget action movie. A heated debate over the last slice of pizza escalated into a full-blown brawl, leaving a dozen injured and the pizza slice forever lost to the ages.
Witnesses report that the chaos began when a man known only as “Slice” (real name: Gary Thompson) claimed the pizza was “his birthright.” “I was just trying to enjoy my pepperoni when Slice lunged at me with a fork!” said a bewildered resident, who preferred to remain anonymous but went by the name of “Cheesehead.” “I mean, who knew forks could be so dangerous?”
Local authorities arrived on the scene to find a dozen people nursing injuries ranging from minor cuts to severe emotional trauma from witnessing the horror of pizza-related violence. Officer Bob “The Pizza Protector” Johnson stated, “We’ve seen a lot of things in this line of work, but a pizza stabbing? That’s a first. I guess you could say it was a ‘slice’ of life gone wrong.”
In a bizarre twist, the shelter’s director, a woman named “Margarita” (not to be confused with the drink), announced that they would be hosting a “Pizza Peace Summit” next week to prevent future incidents. “We’re going to have a pizza-making workshop, and everyone will get a slice—no forks allowed!” she declared, while holding up a spatula like a trophy.
As the dust settles and the pizza is mourned, one thing is clear: in Oregon, even the homeless shelters know how to throw a party—just make sure to keep the forks at home!
