**High School Girls Protest Following Trans Athlete’s Second Consecutive State Track Championship Win: “We Want Our Ribbons!”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the world of high school athletics reeling, a group of high school girls has taken to the streets to protest after a trans athlete, Jamie “Lightning” Thompson, clinched their second consecutive state track championship. The girls, armed with glittery signs reading “Ribbons for Real Girls” and “We Want Our Medals Back!” marched through the halls of Maplewood High, demanding a return to “fairness” in sports.
“I mean, how can we compete with someone who can run faster than a cheetah on espresso?” lamented Sarah “The Snail” Johnson, a junior who has yet to break the 10-minute mile. “I can barely outrun my own shadow, let alone Jamie!”
The protest escalated when the girls attempted to stage a sit-in at the school’s track, only to be thwarted by the school’s gym teacher, Mr. “I’m Not a Referee” Thompson, who pointed out that they were, in fact, sitting on the track where the next meet was scheduled. “You can’t just sit here and expect to win,” he said, shaking his head. “That’s not how running works!”
In a bizarre twist, the girls have also demanded that the state implement a new category for “Girls Who Can’t Run But Still Want to Win Something.” “We’re calling it the ‘Participation Parade,’” said protest organizer and self-proclaimed track expert, Lisa “I Only Run When Chased” Martinez. “Everyone gets a medal, and we can all feel like champions!”
Meanwhile, Jamie Thompson, who has been graciously accepting their victories, responded to the protests with a smile. “I just want to run and have fun,” they said. “But if they want to join me for a jog, I’m happy to slow down. I can even wear a tutu if that helps!”
As the protests continue, one thing is clear: the only thing faster than Jamie on the track is the rumor mill at Maplewood High. Stay tuned for updates as the girls plan to host a bake sale to fund their “Ribbons for Real Girls” campaign—because nothing says “we want fairness” like cookies and cupcakes!
