**FBI Raids Home of Suspected Firebomber Linked to Pro-Israel Rally in Boulder: Local Man Claims It Was Just a “Really Intense BBQ”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left Boulder residents both baffled and mildly amused, the FBI raided the home of local man, Chuck “The Firestarter” McFlame, who is suspected of firebombing a pro-Israel rally last weekend. Witnesses reported seeing a suspiciously large amount of lighter fluid and a suspiciously small amount of common sense in McFlame’s backyard.
“I thought it was just a really intense BBQ,” McFlame told reporters while wearing a T-shirt that read, “I’m not a pyromaniac, I’m a fire enthusiast.” “I mean, who doesn’t want to grill some burgers while discussing international relations? It’s called multitasking!”
The FBI, however, was not amused. “We take firebombing very seriously,” said Special Agent Linda Blazefire. “Especially when it involves a pro-Israel rally. We’re just glad no one was hurt, except for Chuck’s eyebrows. They were singed beyond recognition.”
Neighbors reported that McFlame had been seen practicing his “fire dance” in the backyard, which he claimed was part of his “cultural expression.” “I thought he was just trying to summon the spirit of summer,” said neighbor Betty “The Fire Extinguisher” Thompson. “Turns out he was trying to summon a whole different kind of heat!”
As the FBI continues their investigation, McFlame remains defiant. “I’m just a guy who loves his country and his charcoal grill,” he said, while attempting to light a match with his remaining eyebrows. “If that makes me a criminal, then lock me up and throw away the key—after I finish my ribs, of course!”
In the meantime, Boulder residents are left wondering if they should be more concerned about firebombs or the fact that Chuck’s BBQ sauce is still on sale at the local grocery store. “I mean, it’s delicious,” said one shopper. “But I’m not sure I want to risk a side of arson with my ribs.”
Stay tuned for updates as this story continues to heat up!
