**Authorities Investigate Possible Radicalization of Boulder Illegal Immigrant Terror Suspect, Says Retired FBI Agent**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the Boulder community scratching its collective head, authorities are investigating the possible radicalization of a local illegal immigrant terror suspect, who was last seen trying to order a burrito in a suspiciously loud voice. Retired FBI agent, Chuck “The Mustache” McGillicuddy, claims this is just the tip of the iceberg. “I’ve seen a lot of things in my day,” McGillicuddy said while adjusting his aviator sunglasses indoors. “But a burrito order that loud? That’s a red flag if I’ve ever seen one.”
The suspect, identified as Juan “The Taco” Gonzalez, was apprehended after neighbors reported him practicing his “terrorist” dance moves in the park. “I thought he was just really into salsa,” said local yoga instructor, Crystal “Namaste” Thompson. “But then I saw him doing the Macarena with a side of guacamole, and I knew something was up.”
Authorities are now combing through Gonzalez’s social media accounts, which reportedly include a disturbing number of posts about taco trucks and a questionable obsession with the “Nacho Libre” soundtrack. “We’re taking this very seriously,” said Boulder’s Chief of Police, Officer Bob “The Burrito” Smith. “We can’t have people running around here thinking they can just enjoy their food without consequences.”
Meanwhile, local residents are rallying together to support Gonzalez, with a GoFundMe page titled “Burritos for Freedom” already raising over $5,000. “We just want to make sure he has enough salsa to go with his chips,” said organizer Linda “The Chip” McKenzie. “Because if he’s going to be radicalized, he might as well be well-fed.”
As the investigation continues, one thing is clear: Boulder will never look at a burrito the same way again.
