**Homeland Security Discontinues ‘Sanctuary Jurisdictions’ List, Claims It Was Just a Really Long Grocery List**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the nation scratching its collective head, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) announced it has discontinued its controversial “Sanctuary Jurisdictions” list on its website. Officials claim the list was merely a “really long grocery list” that accidentally got published online.
“We were just trying to remember to pick up some avocados and maybe a few sanctuary cities,” said DHS spokesperson Chuck “The List” McGee. “You know how it is—one minute you’re jotting down ‘San Francisco’ and the next, you’re wondering if you should get organic or regular kale. It’s a slippery slope!”
Critics of the DHS have expressed their disbelief. “I always thought the list was a way to keep track of cities that don’t cooperate with federal immigration laws,” said local conspiracy theorist and part-time cat whisperer, Linda “The List is a Hoax” Johnson. “But now I’m starting to think it was just a cover for a secret avocado cartel!”
In a bizarre twist, the DHS has replaced the list with a new feature called “Sanctuary Recipes,” which includes instructions for making guacamole in various sanctuary cities. “We figured if we can’t keep track of the cities, we might as well keep track of the snacks,” McGee added, while munching on a chip.
Meanwhile, President Biden was seen at a local grocery store, frantically searching for “Sanctuary Salsa” in the condiment aisle. “I just want to make America dip again!” he shouted, as he accidentally knocked over a display of organic avocados.
As the nation grapples with this unexpected culinary crisis, one thing is clear: the only thing more confusing than the DHS’s list is trying to find a parking spot in San Francisco.
