**LSU Shuts Out Dallas Baptist 12-0 Behind Kade Anderson’s Pitching and Chris Stanfield’s 3 RBIs: A Game for the Ages or Just a Really Long Nap?**
In a stunning display of athletic prowess that left fans questioning their life choices, the LSU Tigers decisively shut out the Dallas Baptist Patriots 12-0 in a game that can only be described as a masterclass in how to make your opponent feel like they just lost a game of Monopoly to a toddler.
Kade Anderson, the Tigers’ ace pitcher, was so dominant on the mound that Dallas Baptist players reportedly considered switching to a game of charades halfway through. “I thought I was watching a magician,” said one bewildered fan, “because every time they swung, the ball just disappeared!” Anderson struck out 12 batters, leaving the Patriots wondering if they had accidentally signed up for a game of dodgeball instead of baseball.
Meanwhile, Chris Stanfield, the Tigers’ designated hero, racked up three RBIs, which is apparently the baseball equivalent of winning the lottery three times in one day. “I was just trying to hit the ball,” Stanfield said, “but it turns out I accidentally summoned the spirit of Babe Ruth. Sorry, Dallas!”
The game was so one-sided that Dallas Baptist’s coach, Chuck “The Confused” Thompson, was seen frantically Googling “How to Play Baseball for Dummies” in the dugout. “I thought we were here to play football,” he lamented. “I’m still not sure what happened. Did we lose? Can we get a refund?”
As the final score flashed across the scoreboard, LSU fans erupted in cheers, while Dallas Baptist fans were left to ponder the existential question: “Why did we even come here?”
In the end, LSU’s victory was not just a win; it was a reminder that sometimes, in the world of sports, you can be both a winner and a loser at the same time—especially if you’re Dallas Baptist.
