**Driver Responsible for Fatal Yellowstone Crash Had Blood Alcohol Level Double the Legal Limit, According to Police**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the nation both horrified and slightly amused, a driver in Yellowstone National Park was found to have a blood alcohol level double the legal limit after a crash that could only be described as a “wild ride.” Witnesses reported seeing the vehicle swerving like a bison on roller skates before it collided with a tree, which, according to park rangers, “was just minding its own business.”
Local authorities identified the driver as 32-year-old Chad “The Grizzly” McBrewsky, who allegedly claimed he was “just trying to get closer to nature.” In a statement that has since gone viral, McBrewsky said, “I thought I was channeling my inner bear! Turns out, I was just a drunken human with a penchant for bad decisions.”
Park ranger Betty “Bear Whisperer” Thompson commented, “We’ve seen some crazy things in Yellowstone, but this takes the cake. Or should I say, the picnic basket? I mean, who knew that ‘driving under the influence’ could also mean ‘driving under the influence of a six-pack of Grizzly Ale’?”
As McBrewsky awaits trial, his friends have started a GoFundMe page titled “Help Chad Get His License Back—He Promises to Only Drive Sober… Most of the Time.” The page has already raised $12.37, mostly from his mom and a raccoon who was just looking for snacks.
In a bizarre twist, the tree that was struck has reportedly filed a lawsuit against McBrewsky for emotional distress, claiming it has been “shaken to its roots” and is now “afraid to stand tall.” The tree’s lawyer, a particularly gnarled oak named “Old Man Timber,” stated, “This is a case of negligence that could have been avoided if only McBrewsky had chosen to hug a tree instead of crashing into one.”
As the dust settles on this wild tale, one thing is clear: Yellowstone may be home to some of the most majestic wildlife in the world, but it’s also a reminder that sometimes, the real danger comes from behind the wheel—especially when that wheel is being steered by someone who thinks “nature” is just a fancy word for “barbecue.”
