**Las Vegas Bakes in Early Summer Heat Wave, Locals Consider Moving to Antarctica**
Las Vegas, NV – In a shocking turn of events, the city that once thrived on the slogan “What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas” is now considering a new motto: “What Happens in Vegas, Melts in Vegas.” As an early summer heat wave descends upon the city, locals are sweating more than a poker player with a bad hand.
Temperatures have soared to a blistering 120 degrees Fahrenheit, prompting residents to take drastic measures. “I’ve started using my car as a sauna,” said local resident and self-proclaimed “Heat Survivor,” Bob “The Lobster” Johnson. “I figure if I’m going to sweat, I might as well do it in style.”
The heat wave has also led to some creative solutions for staying cool. “I’ve taken to wearing ice packs as accessories,” said fashionista and part-time magician, Crystal “Chilly” McFrost. “I call it ‘Frosty Chic.’ It’s all the rage on the Strip!”
Meanwhile, the local wildlife is also feeling the heat. Reports have surfaced of cacti attempting to book flights to Antarctica, with one particularly sassy cactus stating, “I’m not built for this! I didn’t sign up for a desert vacation!”
In a desperate attempt to cope, the city has introduced a new “Heat Advisory” alert system, which consists of a giant thermometer that simply says, “Stay Inside, You Fool!” Mayor Larry “Sweaty” Thompson has urged residents to stay hydrated, but many are opting for margaritas instead. “Water is overrated,” said local bartender, Margarita “Chill” Sanchez. “I’m just trying to keep my customers cool and buzzed!”
As the heat wave continues to bake Las Vegas, experts warn that the only thing hotter than the pavement is the competition for the best air conditioning unit. “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen,” said Chef Gordon Ramsay, who is currently filming a new show titled “Hell’s Kitchen: The Heat Wave Edition.”
So, if you’re planning a trip to Las Vegas this summer, remember: pack your sunscreen, your ice packs, and maybe a one-way ticket to Antarctica. Because in this heat, even Elvis would be sweating bullets!
