**Harvey Weinstein’s Sex Crimes Retrial: Will He Take the Stand?**
In a courtroom drama that could only be rivaled by a soap opera featuring a talking cat, Harvey Weinstein is back in the spotlight for his sex crimes retrial. The big question on everyone’s lips (and by “everyone,” we mean the entire internet) is: will he take the stand?
Sources close to the disgraced producer say he’s been practicing his courtroom face in the mirror, which reportedly looks like a cross between a confused walrus and a sad potato. “I think he’s ready to charm the jury,” said his defense attorney, Bob “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” Johnson. “He’s been watching reruns of ‘Law & Order’ and taking notes. He even bought a gavel on eBay!”
Meanwhile, Weinstein himself has been quoted saying, “I’m just here for the snacks. Have you tried the cookies in the jury room? They’re to die for!” This has led many to speculate that his legal strategy may involve a cookie-based defense, which experts agree is a bold move, considering the last time someone tried that, they ended up in a cookie jar behind bars.
As the retrial unfolds, the courtroom is buzzing with anticipation. “I can’t wait to see if he’ll take the stand,” said juror number three, who asked to remain anonymous but is definitely not a cat in disguise. “I mean, if he does, it’ll be like watching a train wreck in slow motion—if the train was also a giant marshmallow.”
In the end, whether Weinstein takes the stand or not, one thing is for sure: the courtroom will be filled with more drama than a reality show featuring a Kardashian and a llama. Stay tuned, folks!
