**US Economy Declines 0.2% in Q1 Amid Trump Trade War Impact: Experts Blame Everything from Avocado Toast to Alien Invasion**
In a shocking turn of events, the US economy has officially declined by 0.2% in the first quarter of 2023, prompting economists to scramble for explanations that don’t involve the words “Trump” or “trade war.” Instead, they’ve turned to more pressing issues, like the rising cost of avocado toast and the potential for an alien invasion.
“Honestly, I thought we were just going to blame the avocado toast,” said Dr. Ima Fiscally Responsible, a self-proclaimed economist and part-time barista. “But then I realized that aliens might be stealing our jobs. I mean, have you seen how fast they can build a spaceship? They’re definitely not paying taxes!”
Meanwhile, President Trump took to social media to express his thoughts on the matter. “The economy is like a rollercoaster, folks. Sometimes it goes up, sometimes it goes down, and sometimes it just gets stuck upside down while you scream for help. But let’s be honest, I’m still the best ride operator this country has ever seen!” he tweeted, while simultaneously launching a new line of “Make America Great Again” rollercoaster hats.
In a bizarre twist, local conspiracy theorist and part-time magician, Barry “The Great” Conjurer, claimed that the economy’s decline is due to “bad juju” from the recent lunar eclipse. “I told everyone to stock up on canned goods and toilet paper, but no one listened! Now look where we are!” he exclaimed while pulling a rabbit out of a hat that suspiciously resembled a tax return.
As the nation grapples with this economic downturn, experts are urging citizens to remain calm and avoid panic-buying. “Just remember,” said Dr. Fiscally Responsible, “if you can’t afford avocado toast, just make a sandwich. Or better yet, just eat the bread. It’s cheaper, and carbs are still in, right?”
So, as we navigate this turbulent economic landscape, let’s all raise a toast—preferably one made of bread—to the resilience of the American spirit. And if all else fails, there’s always the option of starting a GoFundMe for your avocado toast addiction.
