**Ursula von der Leyen Receives Award for Promoting European Unity, Claims She Just Wanted Free Cheese**
In a stunning turn of events that has left the European Union both bewildered and mildly amused, Ursula von der Leyen, the President of the European Commission, was awarded the prestigious “Unity in Diversity” trophy at a ceremony held in Brussels last night. The award, which is rumored to be made entirely of recycled EU flags, was presented to her by none other than the legendary “Unity Unicorn,” a mythical creature said to embody the spirit of European cooperation (and also a popular mascot at local children’s parties).
“I thought I was just getting a free cheese platter,” von der Leyen quipped, clutching her award like a toddler with a new toy. “But apparently, promoting European unity is a thing now. Who knew?”
The award ceremony featured a series of bizarre performances, including a dance-off between representatives from France and Germany, which ended in a tie after both sides agreed to a “friendly” baguette toss. “It was a real show of unity,” said Hans Gruber, a German delegate who was later seen trying to negotiate a peace treaty over a plate of sauerkraut.
In her acceptance speech, von der Leyen declared, “If we can unite over cheese, we can unite over anything! Except maybe football. That’s a whole different ball game.”
Critics, however, were quick to point out that the award was merely a clever ruse to distract the public from the ongoing debates about budget allocations and the mysterious disappearance of the last remaining EU chocolate fountain. “I’m just here for the chocolate,” said Maria von Choco, a self-proclaimed chocolate enthusiast and part-time EU lobbyist.
As the night concluded, attendees were left wondering if the award would actually lead to any real unity or if it was just another excuse for a lavish Brussels soirée. “At least we got free cheese,” said one delegate, as he stuffed his pockets with Gouda.
In the end, von der Leyen’s award may not solve Europe’s most pressing issues, but it certainly provided a night of laughter, camaraderie, and an overwhelming amount of dairy products. And who knows? Maybe next year, they’ll throw in a fondue fountain.
