**Yankees Pitching Dominates in 1-0 Shutout Against Angels: A Game So Boring It Should Be a Sleep Aid**
In a thrilling display of athletic prowess that could only be described as “watching paint dry,” the New York Yankees managed to shut out the Los Angeles Angels 1-0 in a game that left fans questioning their life choices. The Yankees’ pitching staff, led by ace Gerrit Cole, delivered a performance so dominant that even the Angels’ bats were seen filing for unemployment.
Cole, who was last seen trying to convince a squirrel to sign a contract, struck out 12 batters while allowing only two hits. “I was just trying to keep it interesting,” Cole said, “so I threw a few pitches that were actually meant for the trash can. Turns out, the Angels were just as confused as I was.”
The lone run of the game came in the fifth inning when Yankees’ outfielder Aaron Judge hit a ball so far it was rumored to have landed in the next county. “I thought it was a home run, but it turns out it was just a really long fly ball,” Judge said, shrugging. “I guess the Angels were too busy looking for their bats to notice.”
Meanwhile, Angels’ manager Phil “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” Nevin was left scratching his head. “I told the team to swing for the fences, but apparently, they thought I meant the fences of their own dugout,” he lamented. “At this point, I’m considering hiring a psychic to help us find our hitting.”
Fans in attendance were treated to a game so uneventful that several took naps in the stands, only to wake up in time for the seventh-inning stretch. “I came for the hot dogs and stayed for the existential crisis,” one fan said, clutching a half-eaten frankfurter. “I’m still not sure if I’m more disappointed in the game or my life choices.”
As the Yankees celebrated their victory, the Angels were left to ponder their existence. “We’re just trying to figure out how to hit a baseball,” said outfielder Mike Trout, who was last seen Googling “How to Swing a Bat 101.” “If anyone has tips, please send them our way. We’re desperate.”
In the end, the Yankees walked away with a win, and the Angels walked away with a new appreciation for silence. As one fan put it, “At least I can say I was there for history—just not the kind anyone will remember.”
