**Severe Storms Batter Central Texas: Hail, High Winds, and Flooding Hit Austin – Local Residents Blame Everything on Their Exes**
A severe storm system has swept through Central Texas, leaving a trail of destruction that has residents of Austin questioning not only their weather forecasts but also their life choices. With hail the size of grapefruit, winds strong enough to send your neighbor’s inflatable flamingo into the next county, and flooding that could rival the last family reunion at Lake Travis, locals are left to wonder: is this Mother Nature’s way of getting back at us for all those times we forgot to recycle?
“I was just trying to enjoy my morning coffee when I heard a loud thud,” said local barista and self-proclaimed weather expert, Tim “The Tornado” Thompson. “I thought it was just my ex throwing rocks at my window again, but it turns out it was hail! I guess she really is trying to get my attention.”
As the storm raged on, residents took to social media to express their frustrations. “I can’t believe I just bought a new car and now it looks like a golf ball,” tweeted local influencer and part-time storm chaser, Jessica “Hail Mary” Martinez. “At least my ex’s car is still in the driveway. I’m thinking of sending him a thank-you card.”
Meanwhile, the Austin Fire Department reported an uptick in calls from residents who mistook their flooded basements for trendy indoor swimming pools. “We had one guy who was so excited he invited his friends over for a ‘Flood Party,’” said Fire Chief Bob “Waterlogged” Johnson. “We had to explain to him that ‘drowning’ is not a fun party theme.”
As the storm subsides, residents are left with a mix of damaged property and a newfound appreciation for the phrase “better safe than sorry.” “I’m just glad I didn’t have to go to work today,” said local accountant and amateur storm chaser, Larry “The Ledger” Lewis. “I mean, who wants to deal with spreadsheets when you can watch the world turn into a water park?”
In the aftermath, Austin’s city officials are urging residents to stay indoors and avoid any unnecessary trips to the grocery store. “We don’t need any more people trying to stock up on avocados,” said Mayor Steve “Stormy” Smith. “We’re already dealing with enough chaos without adding guacamole to the mix.”
As the sun peeks through the clouds, one thing is clear: Central Texas weather may be unpredictable, but at least it gives us something to laugh about—unlike our exes.
