**Florida Sheriff Warns of Detention Capacity Issues Hindering Trump Immigration Enforcement: “We’re Out of Room for All the Bad Hombres!”**
In a shocking revelation that has left the Sunshine State scratching its collective head, Florida Sheriff Buck “The Law” McGraw has issued a dire warning about the state’s detention capacity issues, claiming they are hindering the enforcement of Trump-era immigration policies. “We’re running out of room faster than a gator at an all-you-can-eat barbecue!” McGraw exclaimed at a press conference, flanked by a bewildered iguana named Larry.
According to Sheriff McGraw, the county’s detention facilities are so full that they’ve resorted to housing undocumented immigrants in inflatable pool toys. “We’ve got folks sleeping in flamingo floaties and unicorn rafts,” he lamented. “It’s not exactly the Ritz-Carlton, but hey, at least they’re getting a tan!”
Local resident and self-proclaimed “Patriot” Betty Lou Pickles chimed in, “I thought we were supposed to be tough on immigration! Now we’re just tough on inflatable flamingos!” She then proceeded to demonstrate her own version of “tough love” by wrestling a pool noodle.
In a bizarre twist, Sheriff McGraw suggested that the solution might be to recruit local residents to help. “We’re thinking of starting a ‘Detention Buddy’ program,” he said. “You know, like Big Brothers Big Sisters, but with more handcuffs and fewer cookies.”
As the sheriff’s office scrambles to find a solution, one thing is clear: Florida’s detention facilities are bursting at the seams, and if they don’t find a way to make room soon, they might have to start using the local high school gymnasium. “We’ll just throw down some mats and call it a day,” McGraw quipped. “Who doesn’t love a good game of detention dodgeball?”
In the meantime, Sheriff McGraw is urging residents to “stay vigilant” and keep an eye out for any suspicious inflatable pool toys. “If you see a flamingo acting funny, call us immediately!” he warned. “We can’t let Florida become the Wild West of pool parties!”
