**Trump Administration Terminates $766 Million Moderna Contract for Pandemic Flu Response: “We’re Just Going to Wing It!”**
In a move that has left public health experts scratching their heads and conspiracy theorists high-fiving, the Trump Administration has officially terminated a $766 million contract with Moderna for pandemic flu response. The decision, announced during a press conference held in front of a giant inflatable turkey, has sparked a flurry of reactions, ranging from disbelief to the kind of laughter usually reserved for bad sitcoms.
“Honestly, we were just getting too good at this pandemic thing,” said former President Trump, who was busy tweeting about how he could have cured the flu with a single tweet if only he had been given the chance. “I mean, who needs a vaccine when you can just tell people to drink bleach? It’s cheaper!”
Dr. Anthony Fauci, who was reportedly seen hiding behind a potted plant during the announcement, commented, “This is like throwing away a life jacket while you’re still on the Titanic. But hey, at least we’ll have more room for the buffet!”
Meanwhile, Moderna’s CEO, Stéphane Bancel, expressed his confusion in a statement that read, “We were just about to start printing the labels for the vaccine. Now we’ll have to use them as coasters for our coffee cups. Thanks, guys!”
In a bizarre twist, the administration has decided to allocate the funds to a new initiative called “Operation: Just Wing It.” According to White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany, “We believe in the power of improvisation. Who needs science when you have gut feelings and a good sense of humor?”
As the nation braces for whatever comes next, one thing is clear: the only thing more contagious than the flu is the laughter coming from the White House.
