**DHS Declares Deported Alleged Gang Member Abrego Garcia ‘Will Never Return to American Streets’—But We’re Not So Sure!**
In a bold move that has left many scratching their heads and others rolling on the floor laughing, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has officially declared that alleged gang member Abrego Garcia will “never return to American streets.” This proclamation came after Garcia was deported back to his home country, which, according to DHS spokesperson Chuckle McGee, is “somewhere south of the border, but definitely not in our backyard.”
“Listen, we’ve got a solid plan,” McGee continued, adjusting his oversized glasses. “We’ve sent him back with a one-way ticket and a complimentary sombrero. He’s not coming back. We even gave him a map that says ‘Do Not Enter’ in big, bold letters. What more do you want?”
Garcia, who was last seen trying to negotiate a deal for a taco truck in Tijuana, reportedly responded to the news with a shrug and a hearty laugh. “I’ve got a better chance of winning the lottery than getting back to America,” he said, while simultaneously trying to sell churros to tourists. “Besides, I hear the tacos here are to die for!”
Meanwhile, local authorities are taking no chances. “We’ve set up a perimeter around the border,” said Officer Bob “The Border Patrol” Johnson. “We’ve got drones, dogs, and even a few angry cats on standby. If he tries to come back, we’ll be ready!”
In a surprising twist, a group of local taco enthusiasts has started a GoFundMe campaign to bring Garcia back, claiming that “the streets of America are missing out on the best taco recipes this side of the Rio Grande.” The campaign has already raised $5.37, mostly from a very confused cat lady named Mildred.
As the saga unfolds, one thing is clear: whether or not Abrego Garcia returns, the streets of America will never be the same—especially if they’re missing out on those tacos!
