**Devil in the Ozarks: Prison Escapee Still Believed to Be in Arkansas, Say Officials**
In a shocking turn of events that has left local authorities scratching their heads and residents rolling their eyes, the infamous “Devil in the Ozarks” prison escapee, known to his friends as “Demon Dan,” is still believed to be lurking somewhere in the wilds of Arkansas. Officials are now urging citizens to keep their eyes peeled for a man who is “definitely not a goat” and “probably not a Sasquatch.”
Sheriff Buck “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” McGraw held a press conference on Tuesday, stating, “We have reason to believe that Demon Dan is still in the area, possibly hiding out in a tree or under a pile of discarded barbecue sauce containers.” He added, “If you see a man wearing a tinfoil hat and a shirt that says ‘I Love My Mother,’ please call us immediately. That’s definitely not him, but we’d like to know who that is.”
Local resident and self-proclaimed Ozark expert, Betty Lou “The Chicken Whisperer” Jenkins, claims to have spotted the escapee last week. “I was out back feeding my chickens when I saw a shadowy figure. I thought it was just my husband, but then I remembered he’s been in the shed for three days trying to fix the lawnmower,” she said. “So it must have been Demon Dan. Or maybe just a raccoon. Either way, I’m not going outside again.”
Authorities are also warning residents to be on the lookout for suspicious activity, such as anyone trying to barter for a pair of flip-flops or a lifetime supply of moonshine. “If you see someone trying to sell you a ‘genuine’ piece of Ozark folklore, it’s probably him,” said Deputy Sheriff Earl “I’m Not a Crook” Thompson. “Or it could just be my cousin Larry. He’s always trying to sell me something weird.”
As the search continues, officials are asking the public to remain vigilant and to report any sightings of Demon Dan, or any other suspicious characters who might be trying to sell them a used lawnmower. In the meantime, residents are advised to keep their barbecue sauce under lock and key—because you never know when the Devil might come knocking.
