**Urgent Alert for Lake Michigan Beachgoers: Missing Military Flares Found!**
In a shocking turn of events that has beachgoers trading their sunscreen for safety goggles, authorities have confirmed that the missing military flares from the Great Lakes Naval Base have been located—right where you’d least expect them: lodged in the sand at Lake Michigan’s most popular beach.
Local beach enthusiast and self-proclaimed “Flare Expert,” Bob “The Flare Whisperer” Johnson, was the first to stumble upon the colorful pyrotechnics while digging for buried treasure. “I thought I hit the jackpot when I found a red stick with a ‘pull here’ label,” he exclaimed, “but then I realized it wasn’t a candy cane. I mean, who doesn’t love a good beach bonfire?”
The flares, which were reported missing last week during a routine inventory check, were apparently mistaken for oversized glow sticks by a group of teenagers who were planning a rave. “We were just trying to get the party started,” said 17-year-old Chad “DJ Flare-Up” Thompson. “We thought it was a new trend—like, ‘Let’s light up the night!’ But then we realized we were one spark away from a beach bonanza.”
Local authorities have issued a warning to beachgoers: “If you see a flare, don’t light it! Unless you’re trying to signal for help because you’ve run out of sunscreen,” said Officer Linda “Safety First” McGraw. “In that case, we recommend a beach towel as a makeshift signal flag.”
As the sun sets over Lake Michigan, officials are urging everyone to keep their eyes peeled for any rogue flares. “We don’t want anyone mistaking them for party favors,” said Mayor Tim “No More Fireworks” Jenkins. “Unless you’re planning to throw a really explosive birthday bash, in which case, we’ll need to talk about permits.”
So, beachgoers, remember: if you see a flare, don’t panic. Just grab your phone, snap a selfie, and tag it #FlareFiasco. Because nothing says summer fun like a little military mischief!
