**217 Days Later: Trump’s Policies Delay Reunification of Migrant Children with Families**
In a shocking twist that has left the nation scratching its collective head, the reunification of migrant children with their families has been delayed for a staggering 217 days—thanks to a series of policies that can only be described as “creative” at best. It seems that while the children were busy waiting, the Trump administration was busy perfecting the art of procrastination, which they’ve now officially dubbed “The Great American Delay.”
“Honestly, we thought it was just a really long game of hide-and-seek,” said former White House advisor and self-proclaimed ‘Delay Specialist’ Melvin T. Snail. “But it turns out, we were just really good at hiding. Who knew?”
In a recent press conference, Trump himself chimed in, stating, “We’re working on it, folks. It’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack, except the haystack is made of red tape and the needle is a child who just wants to see their mom. But hey, we’re making America wait again!”
Meanwhile, families are left wondering if they should send their kids a postcard from the waiting room. “I sent my son a letter last week,” said Maria Gonzalez, a mother who has been waiting since the dawn of time—or at least since the last solar eclipse. “I told him to keep his chin up and that I’d be there soon. I didn’t realize ‘soon’ meant ‘whenever we figure out how to untangle this mess.’”
In a bizarre twist, the administration has also introduced a new policy called “Family Fun Time,” where children are encouraged to bond with their fellow waiting-room mates over board games and snacks. “It’s like summer camp, but with more tears and fewer s’mores,” said camp counselor and policy analyst Chuck “The Delay” McGee.
As the clock ticks on, one thing is clear: if you’re looking for a quick resolution, you might want to check your watch—preferably one that runs on a different time zone. After all, in the world of Trump’s policies, 217 days is just the beginning of a very long wait.
