**Rubio Calls for ‘Maximum Pressure’ Sanctions on Iraq Over Iran’s Influence: A New Strategy to Make Friends and Influence People**
In a bold move that has left political analysts scratching their heads and local comedians rolling on the floor, Senator Marco Rubio has called for “maximum pressure” sanctions on Iraq to combat Iran’s influence. “It’s like trying to stop a sneeze with a sneeze,” Rubio explained, while simultaneously trying to figure out how to pronounce “geopolitical.”
Rubio’s plan, which he unveiled during a press conference held in a taco truck parking lot, involves a series of sanctions that he claims will “make Iraq so uncomfortable that they’ll want to move to Canada.” When asked how this would work, Rubio replied, “It’s simple! We’ll send them a lot of really uncomfortable chairs and make them watch reality TV shows about people who don’t know how to cook.”
Political experts are baffled by the senator’s logic. “It’s like trying to fix a leaky faucet by throwing a bucket of ice water at it,” said Dr. Ima Quack, a renowned political scientist. “But hey, if it works, I’m all for it!”
Meanwhile, Iraqis are reportedly confused. “We’re just trying to enjoy our falafel and now we have to deal with sanctions?” said local vendor Ali Baba. “What’s next? Are they going to sanction our hummus too?”
In a surprising twist, Rubio’s plan has garnered support from an unexpected ally: the International Association of Uncomfortable Furniture. “We’re all in favor of making Iraq sit on the worst chairs imaginable,” said their spokesperson, Lou Couch. “It’s a win-win situation!”
As the world watches this unfolding saga, one thing is clear: when it comes to international relations, Rubio is ready to take a seat—preferably on a very uncomfortable one.
