**Woman in Critical Condition After Bear Attack in Slovenia: “I Just Wanted a Selfie!”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the world both amused and bewildered, a woman in Slovenia is reportedly in critical condition after a bear attack that she claims was “totally worth it” for the perfect Instagram shot. Local authorities say that 32-year-old Marija P. was attempting to take a selfie with a bear she affectionately named “Fluffy” when things took a turn for the worse.
“I told her, ‘Marija, bears are not like your ex-boyfriend. They don’t want to cuddle,’” said her friend, Jure K., who was filming the entire encounter for TikTok. “But she was determined. She said, ‘If I can’t get a selfie with a bear, what’s even the point of living?’”
Witnesses report that Marija approached the bear with a confidence usually reserved for people trying to pet a lion at the zoo. “She was like a bear whisperer, but instead of whispering, she was yelling, ‘Look at me, Fluffy!’” said local hiker and bear enthusiast, Igor B. “I thought she was going to get a great shot, but then Fluffy decided he wasn’t in the mood for influencers.”
As Marija was being airlifted to the hospital, she reportedly shouted, “I’ll still post the selfie! #BearlyAlive!” Her family has since released a statement saying they are “proud of her bravery” and are currently negotiating with Fluffy’s agent for a potential reality show titled “Keeping Up with the Bear-dashians.”
In a bizarre twist, Fluffy has since gained a social media following, with fans demanding to know his side of the story. “I was just trying to enjoy my lunch,” Fluffy reportedly said through a spokesperson. “But now I’m being called a ‘bear-icature’ of a villain. I just wanted some peace and honey!”
As for Marija, she remains in critical condition but is expected to make a full recovery, with plans to launch a line of bear-themed merchandise titled “Bearly Surviving.” In the meantime, local wildlife officials are urging people to stick to selfies with less dangerous animals, like squirrels or that one friend who always seems to be in a bad mood.
