**Why Isn’t the House Judiciary Committee Looking Into Thomas? A Deep Dive into the Mystery of the Missing Investigators**
In a shocking twist that has left political analysts scratching their heads and conspiracy theorists rubbing their hands with glee, the House Judiciary Committee has decided to take a long, leisurely stroll past the glaring issues surrounding Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Instead, they’ve opted to investigate the pressing matter of whether pineapple belongs on pizza. Spoiler alert: it does not.
“Honestly, we just thought it was more important to focus on the real issues,” said Committee Chairperson Chuck “The Pizza Guy” Cheddar. “I mean, have you ever tried to eat a slice of pizza with pineapple? It’s like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube while riding a unicycle. It’s chaos!”
Meanwhile, Justice Thomas has been busy enjoying his retirement from scrutiny, reportedly spending his days lounging on a beach in the Bahamas, sipping piña coladas, and contemplating the meaning of life—or at least the meaning of his next questionable financial disclosure.
“Look, we’re not saying we’re ignoring Thomas,” said a committee member who wished to remain anonymous but was definitely not wearing a Hawaiian shirt. “We’re just prioritizing the important stuff. Like, did you know that some people think ketchup is a smoothie? We need to get to the bottom of that!”
As the Judiciary Committee continues to dodge the Thomas issue like a game of political dodgeball, one thing is clear: the only thing more slippery than Justice Thomas’s financial dealings is the committee’s commitment to investigating them. So, while the world waits for answers, we can all agree on one thing: pineapple on pizza is a crime against humanity, and that’s the real scandal here.
