**US Cities Introduce Biometric Iris Scanning for Digital Identity Verification: A New Way to Say “Who’s That?”**
In a groundbreaking move that has left privacy advocates shaking their heads and conspiracy theorists sharpening their tinfoil hats, several US cities have decided to implement biometric iris scanning for digital identity verification. Yes, folks, soon you’ll be able to enter a coffee shop and have your eyeballs scanned faster than you can say “I’ll have a pumpkin spice latte, please!”
Mayor Chuck “I Can See You” Thompson of San Francisco proudly announced the initiative, stating, “We’re not just scanning your irises; we’re scanning your souls! Just kidding—mostly. But really, who needs passwords when you can have a creepy eye scan? It’s like a high-tech game of ‘Guess Who?’ but with your eyeballs!”
Residents are divided on the new system. Local barista and part-time conspiracy theorist, Linda “The Eye Spy” Johnson, expressed her concerns: “What if they start using our iris data to sell us things? I don’t want ads for eye cream popping up every time I blink!” Meanwhile, tech enthusiast and self-proclaimed ‘Iris Influencer’ Brad “Iris-ception” McGee is all in. “I can’t wait to show off my unique eye patterns on social media! #IrisGoals!”
Critics are already dubbing the initiative “Operation Eye Spy,” with one anonymous source claiming, “Next, they’ll want to scan our toes! I mean, who even looks at their toes?!”
As cities across the nation prepare for this new era of biometric verification, one thing is clear: if you thought losing your keys was a hassle, just wait until you have to find your contact lenses before entering the grocery store. So, keep those peepers clean, America! Your future depends on it—literally!
