**Crash Expert Reveals Karen Read’s SUV Hit ‘74% Throttle’ Before John O’Keefe’s Last Moments: A High-Speed Comedy of Errors**
In a shocking revelation that has left the world of automotive enthusiasts and conspiracy theorists alike scratching their heads, crash expert Dr. Speedy McCrashface has confirmed that Karen Read’s SUV was operating at a staggering 74% throttle just moments before John O’Keefe’s last encounter with the asphalt. “It’s like the SUV was auditioning for a Fast and Furious sequel,” McCrashface quipped, adjusting his oversized glasses that were clearly not designed for serious scientific work.
Witnesses claim that O’Keefe was last seen attempting to dodge the oncoming vehicle while simultaneously trying to take a selfie for his Instagram account. “He was really committed to that perfect shot,” said local bystander and self-proclaimed influencer, Tiffany Filter. “I mean, who wouldn’t want to capture the moment right before a high-speed collision? #YOLO.”
In a bizarre twist, Karen Read, who was reportedly driving the SUV, stated, “I thought I was just giving it a little gas! I didn’t know I was channeling my inner NASCAR driver!” Her defense attorney, Chuck “The Hammer” McBargain, added, “We’re going to argue that the SUV was just really excited to be on the road. It’s not my client’s fault that the car has a personality!”
As the investigation unfolds, experts are left pondering the real question: Was it the SUV’s fault, or was it simply a case of O’Keefe being too engrossed in his social media fame? “Honestly, I think we should just blame TikTok,” said local conspiracy theorist and part-time cat whisperer, Gary Whiskers. “If it weren’t for those dance challenges, none of this would have happened!”
As the dust settles, one thing is clear: in the world of high-speed mishaps, it’s always best to keep your eyes on the road and your phone out of your hands—unless you’re trying to go viral, of course.
