**Liberals Attribute Big Beautiful Bill Defeat to Aging Democrats: What If They Had Retired Instead of Dying in Office?**
In a shocking twist of political fate, liberals are pointing fingers at the geriatric brigade of the Democratic Party for the recent defeat of the Big Beautiful Bill (BBB). The bill, which promised to solve everything from climate change to the national shortage of avocado toast, was tragically left to wither away like a forgotten salad in the back of the fridge.
“Honestly, if we had a few more retirees instead of a few more retirees who are also corpses, we might have had a fighting chance,” lamented Senator Chuck “I’m Not Dead Yet” Schumer. “I mean, have you seen the way some of these folks shuffle into the Senate? It’s like watching a slow-motion game of dodgeball, but instead of balls, it’s just the hopes and dreams of the American people.”
Meanwhile, Representative Nancy “I Can Still Do the Macarena” Pelosi suggested that perhaps a mandatory retirement age of 75 might be in order. “If we can’t get them to retire, maybe we should just start handing out bingo cards at the door,” she quipped. “You know, to keep them entertained while we actually get things done.”
Political analyst and self-proclaimed “young person” Timmy McYouthface chimed in, “If they had just retired instead of dying in office, we could have had a whole new generation of politicians who know what TikTok is! Imagine the possibilities!”
As the dust settles on the BBB defeat, one thing is clear: the Democrats may need to invest in a retirement home instead of a campaign office. After all, who wouldn’t want to see a bunch of octogenarians playing shuffleboard while debating the merits of universal healthcare?
In the end, the Big Beautiful Bill may have been defeated, but at least we can all agree on one thing: it’s time for a new generation to take the wheel—preferably one that doesn’t require a walker to get to the podium.
