**Shawn Kemp Admits Guilt in Seattle Mall Shooting Incident: “I Just Wanted to Shoot My Shot!”**
In a shocking turn of events, former NBA superstar Shawn Kemp has admitted guilt in what can only be described as the most bizarre mall incident since that time a mime tried to rob a hot dog stand. The incident, which took place at the Seattle Mall of Fame, involved Kemp allegedly firing off a few rounds in an attempt to impress a group of teenagers who were busy filming TikToks.
“I thought I was just showing off my shooting skills,” Kemp said in a press conference that was more confusing than a cat at a dog show. “I mean, I’ve made a career out of shooting, right? I just wanted to shoot my shot! But apparently, the mall security doesn’t appreciate a good three-pointer.”
Eyewitnesses reported that Kemp was attempting to recreate his iconic slam dunks but instead ended up launching a series of “air balls” that ricocheted off the food court’s nacho stand. “I was just trying to get the attention of that kid in the LeBron jersey,” Kemp added, “but I guess I took it a little too far. Who knew nacho cheese could be so dangerous?”
Local mall-goers were understandably confused. “I thought it was just another flash mob,” said Brenda “The Nacho Queen” Thompson, who was busy perfecting her cheese-dipping technique. “But then I saw Shawn Kemp and thought, ‘Wow, he really is trying to make a comeback!’”
Kemp’s lawyer, Chuck “The Legal Eagle” McGraw, stated, “We’re just trying to figure out if this counts as a foul or a technical. Either way, we’re hoping for a three-point reduction in his sentence.”
As the dust settles and the nacho cheese is mopped up, one thing is clear: Shawn Kemp may have missed the mark this time, but he’s still shooting for the stars—just hopefully not in a crowded mall.
