**Bills’ Bosa Out with Calf Injury; Cook Misses Voluntary Practice to “Focus on His Inner Zen”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left fans scratching their heads and wondering if they should invest in a crystal ball, the Buffalo Bills have announced that star defensive end Joey Bosa will be sidelined with a mysterious calf injury. Sources close to the team say Bosa was last seen attempting to perform a yoga pose called “Downward Dog” while simultaneously trying to eat a burrito. “It’s a classic case of ‘you can’t stretch and snack at the same time,’” said team nutritionist, Dr. Kale Greenleaf. “We’ve all been there.”
Meanwhile, running back James Cook has decided to skip voluntary practice to “focus on his inner zen.” When asked for comment, Cook stated, “I realized that my chakras were out of alignment, and I needed to find my center. Plus, I heard there’s a great new smoothie bar that just opened up.”
Head Coach Sean McDermott was reportedly unfazed by the news. “We’re just trying to keep the vibes positive,” he said while wearing a tie-dye shirt and sipping on a green juice. “If Joey’s calf needs some time to meditate, who are we to rush him? And James? Well, he’s just one smoothie away from enlightenment.”
In a bizarre twist, Bosa’s injury has sparked a new trend among players, with several teammates now claiming they, too, have “calf issues.” Linebacker Tremaine Edmunds was seen limping dramatically while holding a bag of frozen peas. “It’s a serious condition,” he said, “but I’m still ready to hit the field… after I finish this Netflix series.”
As the Bills prepare for the upcoming season, fans are left wondering if they should be more concerned about injuries or the team’s newfound obsession with self-care. One thing is for sure: if Bosa and Cook can’t get it together, they might just have to start a wellness retreat instead of a football camp.
