**Missouri Calls Special Session for Tornado Relief and Stadium Discussions: A Perfect Storm of Politics**
In a move that has left residents scratching their heads and meteorologists reaching for their barometers, Missouri Governor Mike Parson has called a special session to address tornado relief and, inexplicably, the construction of a new stadium for the St. Louis Squirrels. Yes, you read that right—tornadoes and squirrels, the two pillars of Missouri’s legislative agenda.
“Listen, folks, when life gives you tornadoes, you build a stadium,” Governor Parson declared at a press conference, flanked by a giant inflatable squirrel. “We need to ensure that our citizens have a safe place to watch our beloved Squirrels play ball while they’re dodging flying cows!”
Local resident and self-proclaimed tornado expert, Betty Lou Whirlwind, expressed her confusion. “I just want my roof fixed! I don’t need a stadium to watch squirrels throw acorns at each other!” she exclaimed, while trying to catch a rogue piece of her roof that had taken flight.
Meanwhile, Senator Chuck “The Tornado” Twister, who has been known to spin tall tales, suggested that the new stadium could double as a tornado shelter. “Imagine it! You’re watching the Squirrels score a touchdown, and if a tornado hits, you just pull the emergency lever and—whoosh!—you’re in a bunker!” he said, gesturing wildly as if he were demonstrating a new dance move.
Critics have pointed out that the special session might be a distraction from more pressing issues, like the fact that Missouri’s roads resemble a game of dodgeball with potholes. “I’d rather dodge a tornado than a pothole,” said local mechanic Joe “Pothole” McGee. “At least the tornado has a chance of being fun!”
As the special session unfolds, one thing is clear: Missouri is ready to weather any storm—especially if it involves a new stadium for the Squirrels. After all, nothing says “disaster relief” quite like a hot dog and a cold soda while you’re waiting for the roof to be fixed.
