**Jersey Shore Bar Axes Springsteen Tribute Band Due to The Boss’ Anti-Trump Remarks**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the Jersey Shore community reeling, the beloved local watering hole, “The Salty Seagull,” has decided to cancel its upcoming performance by the tribute band “Springsteen’s Spritzers” after Bruce Springsteen dared to express his opinions about former President Donald Trump.
Owner Sal “The Hair” Mancini, known for his legendary mullet and even more legendary disdain for political discourse, announced the decision during a press conference held in front of a life-sized cardboard cutout of The Boss. “We don’t need no ‘Born to Run’ when we can ‘Born to Chug’!” Mancini declared, while a group of confused tourists looked on. “If I wanted to hear politics, I’d just listen to my Aunt Linda at Thanksgiving!”
The tribute band, comprised of local musicians who go by the names “Johnny ‘The Jersey Devil’ D’Angelo” and “Sandy ‘Soprano’ McGee,” expressed their disappointment. “We just wanted to play some tunes and get people to dance like they’re at a wedding where the bride’s uncle is definitely not sober,” said D’Angelo, wiping away a tear with a napkin that had “I Love Bruce” printed on it.
In a bizarre twist, Mancini has announced that the bar will now host a “Trump Tribute Night,” featuring a karaoke rendition of “Makin’ America Great Again” by local DJ “DJ Donny T.” “We’re gonna have a great time, folks. It’ll be huge!” Mancini promised, while simultaneously trying to figure out how to fit a giant inflatable Trump into the bar’s already cramped space.
As the news spread, local patrons were divided. “I just wanted to hear ‘Dancing in the Dark’ while I drink my PBR,” lamented regular customer “Bobby ‘Two Beers’ Thompson.” Meanwhile, die-hard Springsteen fans have started a petition to bring back the tribute band, claiming they’d rather listen to “Born in the USA” than “Born to Be Mild.”
In the end, it seems that the only thing more divisive than politics at the Jersey Shore is the decision to cancel a tribute band. As Mancini put it, “We’re just trying to keep the peace here. And by peace, I mean the peace of mind that comes from not having to listen to anyone talk about feelings.”
Stay tuned for updates as the saga unfolds, and remember: when in doubt, just keep dancing—preferably to something that doesn’t involve politics!
