**Trump Intensifies Criticism of Harvard: 5 Findings from the University’s Own Inquiry**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the academic world reeling, former President Donald Trump has intensified his criticism of Harvard University, claiming that the Ivy League institution is “more out of touch than a cat at a dog show.” This comes after Harvard’s own inquiry revealed five startling findings that have left even the most seasoned scholars scratching their heads.
1. **The Library is Actually a Giant Coffee Shop**
Harvard’s inquiry found that 90% of students spend more time in the library’s coffee shop than actually reading books. “I thought I was studying for my finals, but I was just perfecting my latte art,” said sophomore and self-proclaimed caffeine connoisseur, Chad “The Latte King” Thompson.
2. **More Students Majoring in Meme Studies**
In a shocking twist, the inquiry revealed that the most popular major at Harvard is now Meme Studies. “I’m just here to learn how to make the perfect ‘Distracted Boyfriend’ meme,” said freshman and aspiring memeologist, Lisa “Meme Queen” Johnson. “It’s a serious field of study!”
3. **Secret Society of Squirrels**
The inquiry uncovered a secret society of squirrels that allegedly runs the campus. “They control the food supply and have been known to steal students’ snacks,” claimed Professor Nutty McNutface, who has dedicated his life to studying the phenomenon. “I’m convinced they’re plotting world domination.”
4. **Mandatory Classes on How to Avoid Real Work**
Harvard has introduced mandatory classes on how to avoid real work, with courses like “Procrastination 101” and “How to Look Busy While Doing Nothing.” “I’m just here for the easy A,” said senior and professional procrastinator, Tim “The Sloth” Anderson.
5. **Trump’s New Major: Tweetology**
In a surprising twist, the inquiry revealed that Trump has applied to Harvard to create a new major called Tweetology. “I’m going to teach students how to craft the perfect tweet,” Trump declared in a press conference held in front of a giant inflatable Harvard mascot. “It’s going to be huge!”
As Harvard grapples with these findings, one thing is clear: the battle between academia and the former president is far from over. Stay tuned for more updates, and remember, if you can’t beat them, just meme them!
