**All 11 Shooting Victims Near South Carolina Party Boat Expected to Survive: Local Residents Celebrate with Confetti and Cake**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the South Carolina party scene reeling, all 11 shooting victims near the infamous “S.S. Good Times” party boat are expected to survive. Local authorities have confirmed that the only thing more resilient than the victims is the boat itself, which has been known to withstand everything from bad karaoke to questionable dance moves.
“I thought I was going to have to cancel my birthday party,” said local resident and self-proclaimed party expert, Chuck “The Disco King” Johnson. “But now, I’m just going to throw a ‘We Survived’ bash! I’ve got a cake shaped like a bullet and confetti that looks like tiny band-aids. It’s going to be epic!”
Witnesses reported that the shooting occurred just as DJ “DJ Spaghetti” was about to drop the beat on a remix of “Baby Shark.” “I thought it was part of the show,” said party-goer and aspiring influencer, Tiffany “Tiff-Tastic” Thompson. “I was ready to go viral with my TikTok dance moves, but then I realized it was real. I mean, who shoots at a party boat? That’s like throwing tomatoes at a pizza!”
Local hero and self-appointed “S.S. Good Times” spokesperson, Captain Jack “Not That Jack Sparrow” McGee, stated, “We’re just glad everyone is okay. We’re planning a ‘Thank You for Not Dying’ party next week. Free drinks for everyone who can prove they were shot at! Just bring your bandages!”
As the community rallies around the victims, local businesses are cashing in on the newfound fame. “We’re selling ‘Survivor’ T-shirts with bullet holes printed on them,” said shop owner Betty “Bulletproof” Jenkins. “They’re flying off the shelves faster than the shots were fired!”
In a bizarre twist, the shooting has sparked a new trend in party planning. “We’re calling it ‘Dangerous Celebrations,’” said event planner and thrill-seeker, Brad “The Risky Business” Thompson. “Why have a boring old birthday party when you can have a near-death experience? It’s the new black!”
As the dust settles and the confetti flies, one thing is clear: South Carolina knows how to throw a party, even if it involves a little bit of gunpowder and a whole lot of resilience.
