**Google’s Stock Takes a Dive as AI Rivals Prepare to Steal Its Lunch Money**
In a shocking turn of events that has left Wall Street gasping for air, Google-parent company Alphabet Inc. saw its stock plummet faster than a cat chasing a laser pointer. The cause? Fears that AI-powered rivals might just swipe its search market share like a toddler snatching candy from a piñata.
“Honestly, I thought we were safe,” said a bewildered Google employee who wished to remain anonymous but was last seen wearing a T-shirt that read, “I <3 Search Engines.” “I mean, who could possibly compete with our 37 different ways to spell ‘definitely’?”
As AI chatbots like ChatGPT and Bing’s new AI sidekick start flexing their digital muscles, Google executives are reportedly in a state of panic. “We’re considering adding a feature that allows users to ask their questions in interpretive dance,” said one Google engineer, who was last seen frantically Googling “how to make a chatbot cry.”
Meanwhile, a rival AI developer, who goes by the name of “Robo-Sirius,” stated, “We’re not just here to take Google’s lunch money; we’re here to take their lunch, their dessert, and their favorite hoodie.”
In a desperate attempt to regain control, Google has announced plans to launch a new feature called “Google Search: Now with 100% More AI Panic!” which promises to deliver results that are 87% more anxious than before.
As the stock market continues to tremble, analysts are left wondering: will Google rise from the ashes like a phoenix or will it be outsmarted by a chatbot that can’t even remember its own birthday? Only time will tell, but one thing is for sure: the next time you search for “how to fix a broken heart,” you might just get a chatbot’s unsolicited advice on your love life instead.
