**Kremlin Dismisses Trump’s Vatican Efforts, Labels Him ‘Emotional’ – Envoy Kellogg**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the world scratching its head and reaching for the popcorn, the Kremlin has officially dismissed former President Donald Trump’s attempts to broker peace with the Vatican, labeling him as “emotional” and “more dramatic than a soap opera star on a cliffhanger.”
Russian envoy Dmitry Kellogg (not to be confused with the breakfast cereal) stated in a press conference, “We appreciate Mr. Trump’s enthusiasm, but his Vatican diplomacy is about as effective as a snowman in July. He showed up with a bouquet of golden cheeseburgers and a promise to build a wall around the Sistine Chapel. The Pope was not impressed.”
Sources close to the Vatican revealed that Trump’s initial pitch included a proposal for a new reality show titled “The Real Popes of Vatican City,” where contestants would compete to see who could bless the most people in a single day. “We thought it was a joke,” said Cardinal Giuseppe Spaghetti. “But then he started talking about a Vatican golf course, and we realized he was serious.”
In a bizarre twist, Trump reportedly sent a heartfelt letter to Pope Francis, which included a crayon drawing of the Last Supper featuring himself as Jesus and his favorite fast-food mascots as the apostles. “I thought it was a touching gesture,” said Kellogg, “but the Pope just sent it back with a note that said, ‘Please stick to Twitter.'”
As the Kremlin continues to roll its eyes at Trump’s antics, the former president remains undeterred. “I’m just trying to make the Vatican great again!” he tweeted, followed by a series of emojis that included a taco, a thumbs-up, and a confused penguin.
In the end, it seems that while Trump may have a flair for the dramatic, his diplomatic skills are about as effective as a rubber chicken in a board meeting. As the world watches, one thing is clear: the Vatican is safe for now, and the Kremlin is still laughing.
