**Far-Left Candidate’s Office Allegedly Creates Toxic Environment for Women: “We Just Wanted to Save the World!”**
In a shocking turn of events, the office of far-left candidate, Bernie Sanders’ long-lost cousin, Larry “The Lefty” Sanders, has been accused of fostering a toxic environment for women. Sources say that the office, which was supposed to be a “safe space for all,” has instead become a battleground of passive-aggressive post-it notes and vegan snack wars.
“I thought I was joining a progressive utopia,” said former intern, Jane Doe, who left the office after just two weeks. “But instead, I found myself dodging kale smoothies thrown by the office manager, who insisted they were ‘organic projectiles of empowerment.’”
The allegations came to light after a whistleblower, who wishes to remain anonymous but goes by the name of “Sister Moonbeam,” revealed that the office had a strict “no pants” policy for women. “It was all about comfort and freedom of expression,” she explained. “But I didn’t realize that ‘freedom’ meant wearing a tie-dye onesie to meetings with the city council.”
Larry “The Lefty” Sanders defended his office’s practices, stating, “We’re just trying to create a revolutionary atmosphere! If women can’t handle a little quinoa-fueled chaos, how are they going to handle the patriarchy?”
In a bizarre twist, the office has also been accused of holding mandatory “hug it out” sessions, where employees are required to embrace each other while chanting “Down with capitalism!” Witnesses report that these sessions often devolved into wrestling matches over the last piece of gluten-free carrot cake.
As the scandal unfolds, it remains to be seen whether Larry “The Lefty” Sanders can salvage his campaign—or if he’ll be left hugging it out in the corner of a vegan café, wondering where it all went wrong.
