**Texas Governor Affirms Voting Exclusivity for U.S. Citizens in State Elections: “No Aliens, Just Texans!”**
In a bold move that has left many scratching their heads and others rolling on the floor laughing, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has officially declared that only U.S. citizens can vote in state elections. “We’re not just keeping it Texan; we’re keeping it human!” Abbott proclaimed at a press conference, flanked by a giant inflatable armadillo and a confused-looking longhorn steer.
The announcement came after a rigorous study conducted by the Texas Department of Unnecessary Studies, which concluded that “aliens” (both extraterrestrial and those who just can’t pronounce “y’all”) should not be allowed to participate in the democratic process. “We don’t want any Martians messing with our barbecue recipes or our football scores,” Abbott added, while a nearby rancher shouted, “And don’t even get me started on those vegan aliens!”
Critics of the new law, including local resident and self-proclaimed “Texas Historian” Bubba McCoy, argue that the move is a bit excessive. “I mean, I’ve seen some folks at the polls who look like they just landed from another planet, but they’re still good people!” McCoy said, while wearing a cowboy hat that suspiciously resembled a UFO.
In a surprising twist, Abbott’s office has announced that they will be launching a new initiative called “Vote Like a Texan,” which will include a mandatory course on how to properly say “Howdy” and a tutorial on the art of line dancing. “If you can’t two-step, you can’t vote!” Abbott declared, as he demonstrated a particularly questionable version of the Cotton Eye Joe.
As the dust settles on this latest political spectacle, one thing is clear: in Texas, voting is serious business, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be a little bit silly. So, if you’re planning to cast your ballot, make sure you bring your ID, your sense of humor, and maybe a side of brisket—because in Texas, it’s not just about who you are; it’s about how much you can eat while you wait in line!
