**Trump Issues Memorial Day Message Criticizing ‘SCUM’ Aiming to ‘DESTROY’ America**
In a bold move that has left the nation both bewildered and chuckling, former President Donald Trump took to social media this Memorial Day to deliver a message that was equal parts heartfelt tribute and fiery tirade. “On this day, we remember our brave heroes,” he began, “and we also need to talk about the SCUM trying to destroy our great America. You know who you are—yes, I’m looking at you, the people who put pineapple on pizza!”
In a post that was longer than a CVS receipt, Trump went on to accuse “the radical left, the fake news media, and that guy who always cuts in front of me in line at Starbucks” of plotting against the American way of life. “They want to take away our freedoms, our burgers, and our right to wear socks with sandals!” he exclaimed, adding, “And let’s not forget the most important thing: they want to ruin golf!”
The former president’s message was punctuated by a series of bizarre yet oddly specific threats. “If you think you can take away my golf clubs, you’re going to have to deal with my friend, Big Tony, who once wrestled an alligator and won!” Trump declared, before signing off with a flourish: “Make America Great Again—again!”
Political analysts were left scratching their heads. “It’s like he’s trying to honor the fallen while simultaneously launching a campaign against brunch,” said Dr. Ima Quack, a political scientist at the University of Nonsense. “It’s a delicate balance, but he’s managing to pull it off with the grace of a giraffe on roller skates.”
As the nation reflects on the sacrifices made by its heroes, one thing is clear: Trump’s Memorial Day message will be remembered not just for its content, but for its sheer unpredictability. And as for the SCUM? Well, they’re probably still trying to figure out how to get their hands on a golf club.
