**Rockies Supporter Sues MLB Team Over Alleged Injuries from Poor Performance**
In a groundbreaking legal move that has left the sports world reeling, a die-hard Colorado Rockies fan, 32-year-old Chad “The Rock” McGillicuddy, has filed a lawsuit against the team for “emotional and physical injuries” sustained during the 2023 MLB season. McGillicuddy claims that the Rockies’ performance was so abysmal that it caused him to suffer from “extreme anxiety, spontaneous outbursts of rage, and a sudden addiction to nachos.”
“I went to the game expecting to see some home runs, but instead, I witnessed a series of errors that made my high school gym class look like the World Series,” McGillicuddy lamented while wearing a Rockies jersey that had seen better days. “I mean, I’ve seen better coordination at a toddler’s birthday party!”
The lawsuit, which is being filed in the “Court of Last Resorts” (a.k.a. the local bar), alleges that the Rockies’ poor performance led to “severe emotional distress” and “uncontrollable fits of laughter” from rival fans. “I was just trying to enjoy a game, but instead, I ended up being the punchline of a bad joke,” he added, shaking his head in disbelief.
McGillicuddy’s attorney, a self-proclaimed “sports law expert” named Barry “The Bat” Batsworth, stated, “This is a landmark case. If the Rockies can’t deliver a decent season, they should at least provide a warning label: ‘Caution: May cause severe emotional trauma.’”
In response, Rockies management released a statement saying, “We’re sorry Chad feels this way. We thought we were just giving him a chance to practice his ‘deep breathing’ techniques during the game.”
As the case unfolds, McGillicuddy is seeking damages in the form of free nachos for life and a lifetime supply of therapy sessions, preferably with a therapist who understands the pain of watching a team that can’t seem to find home plate.
In the meantime, Rockies fans are left wondering if they should start investing in emotional support animals or just stick to watching reruns of “The Office” for their daily dose of comedy.
