**Memorial Day Hours: What’s Open and Closed? A Comprehensive Guide to Avoiding Your Family**
As Memorial Day approaches, Americans everywhere are gearing up for the unofficial start of summer, which means barbecues, beach trips, and the annual debate over whether to wear white before Memorial Day. But before you fire up the grill or attempt to impress your in-laws with your “famous” potato salad, you might want to check what’s actually open and closed on this hallowed day of remembrance.
First off, let’s talk about grocery stores. Most will be closed, except for that one 24-hour convenience store where you can buy a single hot dog and a pack of gum for $17.99. “I love Memorial Day,” said local convenience store owner Bob “The Hot Dog King” Johnson. “It’s the one day a year I can charge people a small fortune for expired snacks and they thank me for it!”
Meanwhile, your local gym will be closed, which is a relief for those who plan to spend the day consuming enough burgers to feed a small nation. “I’m just here for the free Wi-Fi,” said gym-goer Sarah “I’ll Start My Diet Tomorrow” Thompson. “I can’t work out on Memorial Day. I’m too busy memorializing my love for nachos.”
In a shocking twist, all public libraries will be closed, leaving bookworms to fend for themselves. “I was planning to read a book about how to grill the perfect steak,” lamented local librarian and self-proclaimed ‘Grill Master’ Linda “I Only Read Cookbooks” Smith. “Now I’ll have to rely on my own instincts, which is a dangerous game.”
As for restaurants, most will be open, but expect to wait an eternity for a table. “Memorial Day is like the Super Bowl for food,” said chef and grill enthusiast Tony “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Charcoal” Martinez. “Everyone wants to eat out, but nobody wants to wait. It’s a culinary nightmare!”
So, what’s the takeaway? If you’re planning to venture out this Memorial Day, remember: the only thing more unpredictable than the weather is the availability of your favorite establishments. And if all else fails, just stay home, avoid your relatives, and binge-watch that show you’ve been pretending to have seen. Happy Memorial Day!
