**Severe Memorial Day Weekend Storms Threaten Plains and South with Hail and Hurricane-Force Winds: Local Residents Prepare for BBQs and Flying Cows**
As Memorial Day weekend approaches, meteorologists are warning residents of the Plains and South to brace themselves for severe storms that promise to unleash hail the size of small children and winds strong enough to send your Aunt Edna’s prized garden gnome into orbit. In a shocking twist, local BBQ enthusiasts are reportedly more concerned about their brisket than the impending meteorological mayhem.
“I’ve seen hail before, but if it messes with my ribs, we’re going to have a problem,” said local grill master Chuck “The Grillinator” Thompson, who has already fortified his backyard with a moat of barbecue sauce. “I’m not saying I’ll fight a tornado, but I will definitely throw a few burgers at it.”
Meanwhile, residents are preparing for the worst. “I’ve stocked up on essentials: beer, chips, and a lifetime supply of sunscreen,” said local resident Betty Lou Picklesworth. “If I’m going to be blown away, I want to look fabulous doing it!”
In a bizarre twist, the National Weather Service has issued a warning for “hurricane-force winds” that could uproot trees and send livestock flying. “I’m just hoping my cows don’t take off like they’re auditioning for a role in ‘Twister 2’,” said farmer Jed “Cow Whisperer” McGraw. “If I see Bessie in the sky, I’m going to need a bigger lasso.”
As the storm approaches, local businesses are cashing in on the chaos. “We’re offering a ‘Storm Survival Package’ that includes a raincoat, a helmet, and a complimentary inflatable cow,” said Sally “Stormy” Weather, owner of the local convenience store. “Because if you’re going to get hit by hail, you might as well do it in style!”
So, as you prepare for this Memorial Day weekend, remember to keep your grill lit, your cows grounded, and your sense of humor intact. After all, if life gives you hurricane-force winds, just make sure to hold onto your brisket—and maybe a cow or two!
