**Repercussions of Abolishing US Birthright Citizenship: A Warning from Defenders**
In a shocking turn of events, a group of concerned citizens, led by the self-proclaimed “Patriot of the Year” and part-time magician, Larry “The Great” McFumble, has issued a dire warning about the potential repercussions of abolishing birthright citizenship in the United States. “If we get rid of birthright citizenship, who will be left to fill the roles of our beloved reality TV stars?” McFumble exclaimed while pulling a rabbit out of a hat. “I mean, can you imagine a world without the Kardashians? It’s a nightmare!”
The group, which also includes local cat enthusiast and amateur philosopher, Sheila “Whiskers” McPaws, believes that abolishing birthright citizenship could lead to a catastrophic shortage of people who can claim to be “American by birth” while simultaneously complaining about the state of the country on social media. “What’s next? Are we going to start charging people for their birth certificates? I can’t afford that! I’m still paying off my avocado toast debt!” McPaws lamented, clutching her collection of cat memes.
Meanwhile, political analyst and professional conspiracy theorist, Dr. Rufus “The Truth” McSkeptic, warned that without birthright citizenship, the U.S. could face an influx of “non-American” babies. “What if they start speaking in accents? Or worse, what if they prefer kale over burgers? We can’t have that!” he declared, adjusting his tinfoil hat.
As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: the defenders of birthright citizenship are not just fighting for a policy; they’re fighting for the very soul of American absurdity. And if that means keeping the Kardashians and their kale-hating counterparts in the country, then so be it! After all, who else will keep us entertained while we scroll through our feeds, wondering how we got here?
