**Trump Honors West Point Athletes in Military Academy Commencement Speech: “You’re All Winners, Except for the Losers”**
In a stunning display of athletic admiration, former President Donald Trump took to the podium at the West Point Military Academy commencement ceremony, where he honored the cadets who excelled in sports. “These athletes are tremendous,” he declared, “and I know a thing or two about winning. Just ask my golf score—nobody has ever seen anything like it!”
Dressed in a suit that could only be described as “presidential meets prom,” Trump began his speech by reminiscing about his own athletic prowess. “I was a fantastic athlete in high school,” he boasted. “I once ran a mile in under a minute. Well, it was a minute and a half, but who’s counting? I was also the best dodgeball player in Queens. They called me ‘The Dodge Master.’”
As he honored the West Point athletes, Trump couldn’t resist throwing in some classic Trump-isms. “You guys are winners, and I love winners. Except for the losers. We don’t like losers. But you’re not losers, you’re all winners! Except for that one guy—what was his name? Oh right, Cadet Timmy ‘Can’t Catch’ Johnson. Sorry, Timmy!”
The crowd erupted in laughter as Trump continued, “You know, I once threw a football 80 yards. Well, it was more like 40 yards, but I was aiming for 80. And I hit a guy in the stands! He was a great guy, a tremendous guy. I think he’s still in the hospital, but he’ll be fine!”
As the ceremony concluded, Trump left the cadets with a final piece of advice: “Remember, if you ever find yourself in a tough situation, just do what I do—blame it on the media. And if that doesn’t work, just throw a golf ball at it!”
With that, the future leaders of America left the ceremony inspired, ready to tackle the challenges ahead—unless, of course, they were Timmy Johnson. In that case, they were just hoping to avoid dodgeball.
